-Sharika Anjum
17th March 2020, school was officially closed for the time being. I squealed with joy. I finally could do so many things that I could not do before because there was no time, or so I thought. The very sad part was that all of us, my friends included were excited to have this enormous amount of time to ourselves in a reality where nothing was remotely pleasant. I think all of us in some shape or form was thinking about all of the things we could do with our time. I definitely did not think that quarantine would stretch so far. We did not know what the future held. The minute I got home from the school, I got myself my diary and started writing all of the things that I would do. First one was waking up early! Now that I think about it, what a big lie that was. I thought I could finish more than half my study syllabus dedicate some time to painting, reading books, work out. Learn a new language! Seriously I thought I would either learn Japanese or Spanish. Why did I think that? I do not know when years of watching anime did not make me learn Japanese. I was quite optimistic at the start of the quarantine but by the end of June, things took shape in every opposite way from what I had initially planned. My days stretched into a long boring movie that I was forced to watch.
To people everywhere not only us students there is a constant pressure to be more productive, but the quarantine has ramped up the expectations even more. As everything largely moved indoors people started to feel the pressure to organize every room, to become bakers or home chefs or to churn out a novel and learn a whole different language. Social Media being a key factor as we were bombarded with people optimizing their time to the fullest. But we need a reality check that we are in a midst of a global pandemic not in a long-drawn-out holiday. Quarantine has upended every facet of normalcy of living modern life. But it still feels like you wasted all your opportunities if you did not do anything worthwhile during this isolation period. The fact that we have free time is great but the actuality that everything is so shaky around us makes it anything but a luxury. We are not meeting people that we meet every day. I am not seeing my friends; sharing my food during lunch hours talking about everything and nothing at once, conversing with my favorite teachers, actively playing sports. School a big part of everyone's life for where we used to spend almost 6 to 7 hours a day, it is not there anymore. There is no day-to-day contact that encourages and motivates us which fuels our creativity and want to learn. We have much less attention because we are living through so much, it is tough enough to be productive when everything is normal let alone in a global crisis. We are all going through a catastrophe but we are all in it together.
You are not failing if you are not feeling incredibly productive. Sometimes it feels like time is passing through our fingers like slippery eels and we have to run to be able to do just something but this type of fear driven productivity can make us feel more worse when we fail. Some people try to be productive in order to avoid experiencing strong feelings. The problem with this is that your feelings will not just disappear, instead it will just hit you harder so listen to your feelings. We are all experiencing collective trauma. Nothing is really that normal anymore. Our responses to that trauma are also individualistic. Different people have different levels of stress, anxiety, resilience, social support and socio-economic status, so different people process the impact of isolation differently. Do not compare yourselves to others even though it is highly challenging, focus on what is good for you mentally. It is okay if you did not do anything in quarantine, if you did not learn a new language and it is okay if the hobbies you liked before quarantine became meaningless and you stopped enjoying it. It is okay if you are lagging behind your studies.
The fact that you survived pushing through the hardest of days is enough. We are all different for a reason. You need to believe in that reason. Some people thrived in online classes and in this quarantine period. You are you and that sometimes is enough. Be proud of yourself in your heart. You did good. It does not matter if other people tell you that you did not work hard enough during quarantine. The only thing you can do the next day is try. Do not beat yourself up if you cannot achieve a goal. Take a step back. Be compassionate with yourself even if other people do not show it to you. What you want to achieve is personal. Small changes can grow exponentially if you work for it for a few minutes a day. Always believe in one thing that you are not alone in this. You are not.
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